Moments…

Moments like these I start to wonder where I’m going, what i’m doing – is my life going to go as I’ve planned?

Surgery?

Definitely the thing for me…Only problem is the family aspect of things… I’m ready to work long hours – that’s never really been a problem – but I’m going to need to consolidate them so i can spend some time with my peoples…

School?

I’m excited for the transition to less lecture – more hands on, learning in the trenches, in the field…I like the idea of reading to learn about stuff that my patients may or may not have…Although, i’m sure the grass will quickly begin to look green on the other side.

i’ve been thinking recently about the economy and all of the children who are seeing things seemingly dissolve all around them – they and their parents will likely form the public of the 1950s and 1960s…what do I mean by that? Well, the Great Depression that kicked off in 1929 definitely shook people up…they remembered those times and were grateful for what they had – appreciative, angry, full of piss and vinegar, personalities covered in paper cuts rubbed in salt…I worked with people who had parents like that for the better part of a decade…

I like them…it’s going to be interesting to see what the technocrati/hood-nerd version of that will become…The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree – it’s true…

It’s funny a few days ago I was getting pimped by my friend who’s a 1st year surgery intern…I loved it…it’s what I thought we’d be getting in the first two years of medical school – and while I’m disappointed that it’s not what we got…I’m ready for patients…bring em on…

Bring it (LIFE) on…

Appetite

So for the longest, as a kid, I was trying desperately to gain weight. I would eat any and everything – my metabolism was too formidable a foe to allow any meaningful weight gain. I would drink an entire 2 liter bottle of orange soda, eat an entire box of cereal, basically do whatever I wanted to do as far as diet went.

Well, needless to say, it caught up to me, and while I no longer crave an entire 2 liter bottle of soda – I could still polish a bottle off within the span of a few days.

I could, if pressed, polish off a box of cereal within two days. And I’ve progressed in terms of appetite from when i was a small child – a picky one at that, who was always half forced to eat – progressed to the point where I’m almost always hungry.

The cruel fact of life that there are some with waaaaay too much food and those with nowhere near enough isn’t lost on me. I still feel a tinge of guilt whenever I’m eating and am full. I also feel a tinge of guilt for being able to appreciate the pleasantly hungry feeling when my stomach is completely empty.

I’m only able to appreciate it because of the nature of my relationship with food – i.e. I’ve always had access to it.

I hope that continues – but I also hope that we as consumers and more importantly a people afflicted by our affluence, can somehow figure out a way to demand healthy food as opposed to the packaged, processed, garbage that leaves us sicker than it should, given how much it weighs, given how much it manages to fill us up…or not.

I’ve been working steadily on developing a strong sense of portion control. Attempting to limit my cereal consumption has been a hellified task – and by spreading smaller bowls of cereal out over a longer period of time, by refusing to buy cereal without some type of significant fiber content, by purchasing plain soy milk instead of the artificially sweetened “vanilla” soymilk, I’m hoping to curb my calorie intake, and ultimately train myself to need fewer calories.

Oh yeah, I’m also working out almost everyday – I’ve worked out 6 days a week for the last 2 or 3 weeks. Hopefully some changes will come in my physique – I already have more energy than I have before. I just need to commit to maintaining this over the space of my next (3rd) year of medical school which will undoubtedly be a difficult proposition.

I’m writing a paper for school on nutrition, calorie density, and how public health interventions focused on changing individual behaviors on the ground level instead of providing better options and encouraging competition isn’t going to work.

I’m going to post my paper up here sometime in the next week. Food is important. I just need to cut back on my intake…near starvation…without starving myself…it’s good that I’m modestly hungry more than not…